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Steven Wright Quotes Pages: 1   2   3
(b. 1955) - American comedian, actor. Visit his site

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Email to a friend   I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Email to a friend   Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday'
Email to a friend   If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
Email to a friend   I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
Email to a friend   I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
Email to a friend   I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him...'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!' He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd.
Email to a friend   Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!
Email to a friend   My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'
Email to a friend   You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
Email to a friend   I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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