Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone's like 'Oh, happy valentine's day!' I even got a Valentine's Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!
-- Greg Giraldo

Today is Valentine's Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day.
-- Jay Leno

Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.
-- Lewis Black

[on Julie Andrews]
Working with her is like being hit over the head with a Valentine's Day card.
-- Christopher Plummer (quoted in Filmgoer's Book of Quotes, 1973)

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
-- Robert Orben

I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.
-- Tracy Smith