Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their makers.

Mary had a little lamb and the doctor fainted.

It's not easy having Dyslexia. Last week I went to a toga party as a goat.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

The fastest way to make your own Anti-freeze is to hide her nightgown.

An optimist is a man who starts a crossword puzzle with a fountain pen.

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.