My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.
-- Chic Murray

Colin is the sort of name you give your goldfish for a joke.
-- Colin Firth

Inside me there is a fat man dying to get out.
-- Robbie Williams

A shrink diagnosed me as nuts, told my mom I was a borderline schizophrenic. I was nine years old!
-- Freddie Prinze Jr

My mother says I didn't open my eyes for eight days after I was born, but when I did, the first thing I saw was an engagement ring. I was hooked.
-- Elizabeth Taylor

I voted Republican this year, the Democrats left a bad taste in my mouth.
-- Monica Lewinsky (reportedly 'overheard')

I used to be snow white, but I drifted.
-- Mae West

I have buck teeth. I sucked my thumb until I was eleven ... and then I went on to suck other things...I'm very insecure.
-- Rosanna Arquette (Interview with Jeff Spurrier, Details, 1991)

I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm dumb, I smell. Did I mention I'm stupid?
-- Eminem (as quoted in Sunday Mail, 1st Dec 2002)

There is no me. I do not exist. There used to be a me but I had it surgically removed.
-- Peter Sellers