I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
-- Joan Rivers

I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me superman.
-- Homer Simpson (from Lost our Lisa, written by Brian Scully)

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
-- Bob Hope

You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.

-- Richard Jeni (On going to war over religion)

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte

A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes.
-- James Feibleman