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| Red Dwarf Quotes |
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 I tell you one thing. I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time running backwards, I've played pool with planets, and I've given birth to twins, but I never thought in my entire life I'd taste an edible Pot Noodle.
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Craig Charles |
[Robot Kryten's space corp directives]
No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity
Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the excercise bicycle in the women's gym will be discharged without trial.
By joining SpaceCorp, each individual tacitly consents to give up his inalienable rights to life, liberty, and adequate toilet facilities.
In an emergency situation involving two or more officers of equal rank, seniority will be granted to whichver officer can program a vcr.
Work done by an officer's doppleganger in a parallel universe cannot be claimed as overtime.
During temporal disturbances, no questions shall be raised about any crewmember whose timesheet shows him or her clocking off 187 years before he clocked on.
Kryten: "Well, Space Corps Directive 195 clearly states that in an emergency power situation, a holo-grammatic crew member must lay down his life in order that the living crew members might survive."
Rimmer: "Yes, but Rimmer Directive 271 states just as clearly, "No chance you metal bastard
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Kryten |
Love is a device invented by bank managers to make us overdrawn.
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Arnold J Rimmer |
I am Holly, the ship's computer, with an IQ of 6000, the same IQ as 6000 PE teachers.
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Anonymous |
If God had intended us to fly, he wouldn't have invented Spanish air traffic control.
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Craig Charles |
You're about as useful as a condom machine in the Vatican.
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Chris Barrie |
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