Our president fell off his bike, and today declared war on gravity.
-- Craig Kilborn

The first Presidential debate was down in Florida. Residents spent all day putting plywood on their televisions.
-- Dave Letterman

My parents saw the president they loved get shot in the head. I saw my president get head.
-- Elon Gold

[a sticker issued by John Kerry]
Stop mad cowboy disease.
-- John Kerry

There was one embarrassing moment for President Bush. When he heard there were forged documents that had been discovered he said: 'What? You mean they found my diploma from Yale?'
-- Jay Leno

Only in America can a homeless combat veteran live in a
cardboard box whilst a draft dodger lives in the White House.
-- Anonymous

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
-- Spike Milligan (Puckoon, 1963)

We need a President who's fluent in at least one language.
-- Buck Henry (circa 1992)

To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say: You, too, can be president of the United States.
-- George W. Bush (at a Yale speech, 2001)

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.
-- Clarence Darrow