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| Emo Philips Quotes |
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(b. 1956) - American comedian. Visit his site
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I used to think that the human brain was the most fascinating part of the body. Then I thought, "What part of my body is telling me that?"
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'
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Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
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