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| One Liners Quotes |
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 All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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Steven Wright |
I was stopped once for going 53 in a 35 mile zone, but I told em I had dyslexia.
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Spanky |
I didn't realize he was a teetotaler until he went off to fix himself a stiff drink and came back with an ice lolly.
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Max Kauffmann |
I wanted to become a Mechanic, but my Father told me I wasn't motorvated enough.
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Robert Paul |
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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Henry Youngman |
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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W.C. Fields |
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said 'no'.
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Woody Allen (circa 1965) |
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
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Tommy Cooper |
Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
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Steven Wright |
Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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John Mendoza |
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