AmusingQuotes.com
Search Quotes:      Home  - New Quotes
One Liners Quotes Pages: 1   2   3   4
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
-- Steven Wright
I was stopped once for going 53 in a 35 mile zone, but I told em I had dyslexia.
-- Spanky
I didn't realize he was a teetotaler until he went off to fix himself a stiff drink and came back with an ice lolly.
-- Max Kauffmann
I wanted to become a Mechanic, but my Father told me I wasn't motorvated enough.
-- Robert Paul
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
-- Henry Youngman
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
-- W.C. Fields
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said 'no'.
-- Woody Allen (circa 1965)
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
-- Tommy Cooper
Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
-- Steven Wright
Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
-- John Mendoza
Email these One Liners quotes to a Friend - Click Here
By Subjects
A B C D E F G H I
J K L M N O P Q R
S T U V W X Y Z
By Authors
A B C D E F G H I
J K L M N O P Q R
S T U V W X Y Z
Privacy :: Copyright & Disclaimer Funny Quotes © 2002-04