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| One Liners Quotes |
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 Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
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Mae West (Myra Breckinridge, 1970) |
A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.
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Eddie Cantor (Kid Millions, 1934) |
My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet.
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Bill Kelly |
If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
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Clint Eastwood (The Rookie, 1990) |
I was reading a book...'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.
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Tim Vine |
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
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Steven Wright |
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Milton Berle |
They say the best exercise takes place in the bedroom. I believe it, because that's where I get the most resistance.
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Jeff Shaw |
I used to think 'Tora! Tora! Tora!' was about a Rabbi taking inventory.
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Dick Cavett |
The man who invented the zip fastener was today honoured with a lifetime peerage. He'll now be known as the Lord of the Flies.
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Ronnie Barker |
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