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| One Liners Quotes |
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 I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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Steven Wright |
Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!
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Steven Wright |
After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.
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Anonymous |
It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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Milton Berle |
Mary had a little lamb and the doctor fainted.
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Unknown |
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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Emo Philips |
She saw a sign saying 'Wet Floor.' So she did!
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Joan Rivers |
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
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Steven Wright |
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the matress half gone.
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Fred Allen |
I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived.
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Groucho Marx (Horse Feathers, 1932) |
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