Her mother was a cultivated women...she was born in a greenhouse.
-- Spike Milligan

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.
-- Chic Murray

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that!
-- Wendy Leibman

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procastrinate. I said: 'just wait!'
-- Judy Tenuta

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
-- Richard Jeni