If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much -- just an occasional sun visor.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived.
-- (Horse Feathers, 1932)

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood.

My favorite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.