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| Jokes Quotes |
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 A secretary ran into the bosses office and said "Can I use your dictaphone?" He says, "no, use your finger like everybody else"
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Bernard Manning |
This 3-year-old kid is home alone, and a salesman comes to the door. The kid answers, and he’s got a porno in one hand, a cigar in one hand and a bottle of J.D. The salesman goes, “Hi, little boy, are your parents home?” The kid goes, “What the f**k do you think?”
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Avril Lavigne |
Two guys are talking and one says to the other: "What would you do if the end of the world was in 3 minutes time?" The other one says, "I'd sh*g everything that moved...What would you do?" And he says, "I'd stand perfectly still."
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Billy Connolly |
Do you wake up in the morning feeling sleepy and grumpy? Then you must be Snow White.
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David Frost |
The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be sh*tting herself.
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Colin Fergus |
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
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Scott Capurro |
An American girl hit on me in a club and asked me to make her an Egyptian princess. So I threw a sheet over her head and told her to be quiet.
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Ahmed Ahmed |
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'
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Emo Philips |
Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them!
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Kathy Lette |
Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract.
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Kathy Lette |
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