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| Joke Quotes |
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Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
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Mark Twain |
Wanna play a joke on your chiropractor? The next time he starts working on you, go limp and soil yourself.
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Mike Wilmot |
When the girlfriend and I get in an argument, I begin to believe in flying saucers...and plates, pots, mugs...
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Robert Paul |
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
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Emo Philips |
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
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Eric Morecambe |
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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Spike Milligan |
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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W.C. Fields |
I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.
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Tommy Cooper |
I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
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Tommy Cooper |
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
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Tommy Cooper |
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