|
|
| Joke Quotes |
Pages: 1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10 |
I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
--
Jimmy Carter |
The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.
--
Ronnie Barker (from the Two Ronnies, 1972, BBC) |
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.'
The doctor says, 'It's old age.'
The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.'
The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
--
Tommy Cooper |
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
--
Tommy Cooper |
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
--
Spike Milligan |
French wine growers fear that this year's vintage may be entirely spoiled due to the grape treaders' sit-in.
--
Ronnie Corbett (from the Two Ronnies) |
Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
--
Billy Connolly |
We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.
--
Gene Perret |
I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle-baby.
--
Henry Youngman |
Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room.
--
Henry Youngman |
|
Email these Joke quotes to a Friend - Click Here
|
