How do you know if it's time to wash the dishes and clean your house? Look inside your pants. If you find a penis in there, it's not time.
-- Jo Brand

Housework is something you do that nobody notices unless you haven't done it.
-- Sam Ewing

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
-- Joan Rivers

There's no real need to do housework - after four years it doesn't get any worse.
-- Quentin Crisp