I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy!
-- Tommy Cooper

Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?
-- Billy Connolly

Most vegetables are something God invented to let women get even with their children. A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussels sprouts never do.
-- P. J. ORourke (The Bachelor Home Companion)

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
-- Spike Milligan

I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There's no pleasure worth foregoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.
-- John Mortimer

A five-pound box of chocolates
is a very nice surprise.
But will you love me, darling,
when they end up on my thighs?

-- Helen Ksypka (Copyright © Helen Ksypka)

I do not like broccoli and I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. Now I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.
-- George Bush

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four; unless there are three other people.
-- Orson Welles

Never trust a thin chef.
-- Anonymous

When you cook it should be an act of love. To put a frozen bag in the microwave for your child is an act of hate.
-- Raymond Blanc