Some of the longest hours of the day follow the question: "Have you got a minute?"

Housework is something you do that nobody notices unless you haven't done it.

Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf.

Your best friends are those who speak well of you behind your back.

A man commented to his lunch companion: "My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire." "You're lucky," sighed the companion. "My wife dreams that in the daytime."

As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.
-- (Readers Digest, Dec, 1997)

If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography.
-- (quoted in Readers Digest, 1991)

People who say, 'Anything is possible' have never tried to complain to a recorded announcement.
-- (quoted in National Enquirer)

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
-- (Readers Digest, 1992)

There's no thief like a bad movie.
-- (Readers Digest, 2001)