My photographs do me an injustice. They look just like me.

You want to look younger? Rent smaller children.

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
-- (on Arnold Schwarzenegger)

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three dollar pantyhose that won't run.
-- (as quoted in Woman's Almanac, 1977)

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?