Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
-- Jerry Seinfeld

Dating is so insecure. My last relationship, I was always there for her and she dumped me. I told her about it. I said, "Remember when your grandma died? I was there. Remember when you flunked out of school? I was there. Remember when you lost your job? I was there!" She said, "I know -- you're bad luck."
-- Tom Arnold

My mom always complains about my lack of a boyfriend. Well, next time she asks, I'm going to tell her I'm dating two different guys -- Mr. Duracell and Mr. Energizer.
-- Michelle Landry (quoted on TopFive.com)

I once dated a girl on the track team. It didn't work out. She kept giving me the runaround.
-- Scott Roeben

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
-- Wendy Leibman

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me.
-- Scott Roeben

I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over.
-- Garry Shandling

Never date a woman whose father calls her 'Princess.' Chances are she believes it.
-- Anonymous

I only date stewardesses. Or maybe it just seems that way. Women always seem to be showing me the exits.
-- Scott Roeben

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
-- Rita Rudner