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| Johnny Carson Quotes |
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(b. 1925) - American host of the Tonight Show.
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Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
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Welcome to the Academy Awards, a glittering two hours of entertainment, spread out over four hours. For those of you taping this on Betamax, you're under arrest.
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(at the 1979 Oscars®)
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
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