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| Billy Connolly Quotes |
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(b. 1942) - Scottish comedian, actor, musician.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?
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Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did it too! He'd hit me and shout, 'Have ye had enough?' Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? 'Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???'
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
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I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find? A silver sixpence?
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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I'm now a Doctor of Letters. Most of them Fs and Bs.
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(after receiving an honorary degree from Glasgow University)
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Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
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(on infamous Scotland soccer manager Ally McLeod)
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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ...He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.
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