He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front.

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes!

I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he could get steroids!

It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, "Did you miss a step?"

"No," he answers, "I hit every one of them!"

Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
-- (at a function for Sports Broadcaster Howard Cosell)