If Jesus had been killed 20 years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little Electric Chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

Take away the right to say "f**k" and you take away the right to say "f**k the government!".

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home and found us in bed together.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.