Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
-- Jerry Seinfield

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
-- Spike Milligan

If you look like your passport photo you're too ill to travel.
-- Joe Pasquale

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
-- Tim Allen