I went to a record shop and said 'What have you got by The Doors?' He said, 'A bucket of sand and a fire blanket.'
--
Tim Vine
Years ago I used to supply filofaxes for the mafia. Yeah, I was involved in very organised crime.
--
Milton Jones
When I was a kid my Fairy-Godmother asked me if I wanted a long penis or a long memory. I forget my response.
--
Stewart Francis
I failed Math so many times I can't even count.
--
Stewart Francis
I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my own voicemails.
--
Andrew Lawrence
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